That's What She Said

My husband and I are thirty-something's in the middle of raising a modern, busy family of three girls aged 16, 14, and 5 years. We're at a stage in life where we buy tampons in bulk and dinner is never agreed upon unanimously. As a mother, I adore every fiber of each of my daughters' precious existence. As an aging human who often runs on that hamster wheel of self-induced stress, I can reach new levels of memory loss, frustration, exhaustion and insanity with superhuman speed. As a language lover, I cherish every word that comes out of the mouths of my babes. Our house is full of all kinds of goodness, hormones, noise and dreams; occasionally I'm mindful enough to make a memory out of the moments we share. If laughter is the best medicine, then my favorite prescription is remembering when that's what she said.

When she starts a conversation with:

Middle Kid: "So, we were tumbling in choir today..." 

When she won't eat her vegetables:

Baby Kid: "My feet were itchy so I had to scratch them with broccoli."

When she knew I was preoccupied:

Baby Kid: "Momma I'm drawing a puppy."
Momma: "Okay."

Baby Kid: "See the puppy I'm drawing?"
Momma: "Yes honey.  I see it."
Baby Kid: "What does it look like?"
Momma: "It looks like a puppy."
Baby Kid: "Well, it's a cat."

When it was summertime and we learned she had stashed the Christmas nativity set in her room:
Baby Kid: "I just need to shave my face really quick with this."

Dad: "What is it?"
Baby Kid: "It's a Wise Man."

When I felt like Tyler Durden:

Baby Kid: "His name is Harry."
Middle Kid: "His name is Clifford. Momma tell her this collar says, Clifford."
Baby Kid: "His name is Harry."

Momma: "His name is Robert Paulson."

When Baby Kid has me stuck on replay: 

"You can't play bloody knuckles with the dog." 

"Stop saying bad words to Talking Tom. It's still YOU saying them."
"Can you please just give me five minutes?"

When they all say the same thing:
"What's for dinner?"
"I'm telling!"
"I'm hungry."
"Momma!"
"Stop!"

When she spoke another language:

Baby Kid: “My skills on Temple Run are genius.”
Middle Kid: "Swag."
First Kid: "Like I can't even."

When she's consistent:
First Kid: "What's for dinner?"
First Kid: "I want french fries."
First Kid: "We need tampons."

When she creeped us out a little:

Baby Kid: "Maybe I can have a bird collection. A dead bird collection."
Middle Kid: "Sometimes when I’m eating food I pretend I'm putting a bug in my mouth and I get the chills."
First Kid: "Can I dye my hair gray?"

When she creeped us out a lot:
Baby Kid: "I see a cemetery! I want to dig up the bones of a dead dog."
Middle Kid: "My soul is black."
First Kid: "People say I'm adorable but really I'm Satan."

When she talks so fast that you only catch the first few words of what she said:
First Kid: "In choir today..."
First Kid: "So you know how..."
First Kid: "In French today..."
First Kid: "At lunch today..."

When her cleverness irritates me:

Baby Kid: "Are you saying something?"
Baby Kid: "Momma, are you saying something?"
Momma: "No."Baby Kid: "Momma, are you saying something?"
Momma: "No, I'm not saying anything."
Baby Kid: "You are now."

When she stayed in a hotel room when she was a finalist at an Odyssey of the Mind World Competition:

Middle Kid  "There are two books in here. One is the Holy Bible but I don't know what this one is."
Momma: "Um. That's a phone book honey."

When she's a passenger and First Kid is driving:

Baby Kid: "We're gonna crash. I can't look."

 

When she called my bluff:

Momma: "If you even think about turning around in your car seat I will pull over and spank you."
Baby Kid: "I'm thinking about it."

When we celebrated our anniversary:

Baby Kid: "Dad, did you know that you married my Mom?"

When I wondered why I ever wanted to have children:

Baby Kid: "Mom, your belly feels like Play Dough."

When she threatened her Dad:

Baby Kid: “Dad I need you to buy me some more sour cream.”
Dad: "Kid."
Baby Kid: “Well you will if you want to go to heaven.”

When her extracurricular activities are worth the price:

Middle Kid: “I was practicing my back handspring tonight and I kicked my teacher in the head...like four times.”

When she wants to try new things and accidentally changes the world:
Middle Kid: "I want to be a vegetarian. That's gonna be my New Year's Revolution."

Like most best friends, my husband and I share a lot of inside jokes that make us chuckle on a different level. Together we're figuring out this thing called life as we try to keep each other grounded, going and grateful for the little things. When we need a dose of medicinal laughter, remembering when that's what we said is just what the doctor ordered.

When my face was swollen and he compared me to a movie star:

"I love you even though you look like Rocky Dennis."

When we got to do what we wanted for the weekend:

Me: "I don't even know what to wear to a UFC fight."
Him: "Why?"
Me: "Well, are there seats or are we gonna be all crammed in with sweaty people?"
Him: "Honey, we are going to the BOK Center, not a barn fight."

When we call each other names:
Me: "I love you, Sloth."
Him: "I love you, Chunk."
Me: "I'm probably like the only woman in the world who is okay with being called Chunk."